Moving Day!

Sorry, blogspot. I've found someone new! Please follow my new blog at http://www.lanajoy.net/

Thanks for the memories!

-Lana

I Love Being a Baby-wearing Mama

Here's a pic of me and my little one enjoying time together in my new Maya Wrap ring sling. We both love the warmth, security, togetherness, and freedom that it offers us.

I took up babywearing when my first son was born in 2007, but didn't really understand all its benefits right away. I got a Moby Wrap and tried to wear the baby for the requisite 3 hours a day, but he still spent all too much time in his swing, pack-n-play, and stroller. As time went on, babywearing became a bigger part of my life as I realized what a beautiful bond is built when your baby goes through your day with you, experiencing life as you experience it. And how much easier it makes my life!

The Moby Wrap involved quite a bit of tying, which never got easier since the baby was so rapidly growing. It was a great carrier, but with this baby I knew I'd want something that I could pop the baby into a lot quicker. So I invested in a Maya Wrap ring sling. I do notice my back getting sore a little quicker than it did in the Moby, but the ease of use is incredible. And I can still wear Leif in it for a couple of hours before I really feel like I need to take him off me.

I'm happy to say that this time around I'm doing a lot more babywearing. This is not only because it's something I believe in and enjoy, but also because of our circumstances. A year and a half ago we moved from our small one-bedroom apartment to a huge 4-bedroom home that we share with two of our closest friends. The Wahlquist Wing is upstairs, so I'm constantly battling the upstairs-downstairs problem and it's just easier to wear the baby around the house, especially while he's sleeping.

Soon we will start using our Ergo carrier, which I'm really excited about. I bought a new fancy cover for it so it looks all hip and trendy now! and clean... Here's a funny babywearing anecdote: yesterday at church I saw a dad carrying his baby in a messenger bag. No joke. A messenger bag. Do with that what you will.

Remembering my Pregnancy... Vitamin Edition

So now that baby is here and everything, I thought it would be fun to kind of get an electronic version going of the journal that I kept during pregnancy. In this entry, I will entail what I perceived to be a rather lengthy and complex series of supplements that I ended up taking by the end of the pregnancy. They all sort of built upon each other, like a symphony, until they reached their glorious climax at the end when I realized i was a legitimate pill-popper. BTW, this is ironic to me because I generally try to get all my nutrients from food, and as a rule I don't really "believe" in supplements at all. Well anyway, here goes:

Prenatal Vitamins: my midwife was rather indifferent about them, believing--as I do--that good nutrition is really all you need. Nonetheless, I headed over to the health food store and picked up a bottle of Rainbow Lights at the beginning of my pregnancy. I took them sporadically throughout the pregnancy, but really got disciplined about it in the third trimester. After all, I did eat pretty healthy but I ain't perfect!

Ionic Fizz Magnesium Plus: So very early in the pregnancy I started having crazy heartburn. Very painful. While it can be addressed through diet, the source is actually hormonal, and for me diet wasn't cutting it. Luckily, my midwife has a background in naturopathy, so she had great suggestions for all my pregnancy discomforts. This was the greatest! My heartburn went away and the fizzy drink even tasted yummy. So add this 1-2 times per day to my daily prenatal.

[SIDEBAR: Quercetin & Nettle Leaf Tea]: I started taking these when the winds got really bad here and my allergies went crazy. Helped a little. I stopped the Quercetin when things calmed down, but still drink the tea. It's yummy.

I kept up these two things for most of the pregnancy until the very end, when I got the only minor hiccup: I tested positive for Group Beta Strep. GBS is a bacteria that ebbs and flows in a woman's body all the time. If it is present at the time of birth, there is a small chance the baby could be infected and the resulting disease is rather serious. Pretty slim chances, though. In hospitals, when a woman tests positive for this, she is routinely given antibiotics during labor. We've had some bad experiences with antibiotics and really want to reserve them for an immanent, life-threatening illness. My midwife sent me some studies about the use of chorohexadine (??) rinse during labor as an alternative to antibiotics and the results were very good. So we did that instead of antibiotics. She also had an herbal regime outlined in the notebook she gave me, so I went ahead and got started with a few of those. Here they are:

Garlic: garlic is a natural sort of antibiotic, so it is very useful to use it to treat infections. Every night before bed.

Echinacea: Every morning for immune support. I'm using this still now during cold and flu season. Should have started it before getting sick, though.

Crystalline Vit C: 5,000 mg in my half-gallon water bottle each day. It's non-acidic, which my tummy liked. It tastes like nail polish, which my mouth did not.

Grapefruit Seed Extract: about 10 drops in my water bottle daily. Also tastes awful. But I'm keeping it around in the case of thrush for myself or any close friends that deal with thrush. I've heard it really works.

Those things completely ruined my enjoyment of my daily water drinking. But it actually made me drink more H2O. I had to really chug it and then chase it with plain water or some juice or something. Then I would end up finishing my water earlier in the day and needed to refill with more or I'd be parched. Peeing a lot, but very hydrated, and I was glad to be doing something to combat the GBS. That's not the whole regime, but I bought the vitamins I could afford and thankfully I had the baby a week later. So glad I didn't have to keep downing that horrible water for a few more weeks!

Cod Liver Oil: CLO has lots of Vit D for immunity and bone support and is also loaded with Omega-3 Fatty Acids, including DHA. All really good stuff for babies and pregnant women. Some people don't like this stuff because of its non-vegetarian-ness, but it is a natural source of so much good stuff that I love it. I've been giving it to Peer for years and my chiropractor convinced me that I should be taking it too. My midwife also liked the idea, stating that my baby's brain will grow more now in the third trimester than any other time in his life. So everyone on my team liked the idea. =) You can buy it flavored (if you don't mind the additives they use to flavor it), so it actually tastes pretty good. We buy the Emulsified orange-flavor and mix it with Peer's OJ for him. He knows about it, so I'm not tricking him! Andy and I take it straight and like it.

I'm still taking the Vit C (although NOT in my daily water bottle. I don't want to be drinking it all day long!), the echinacea, and the CLO. I finished out the fizzy magnesium and the prenatals and didn't replace them. Oh, and no, my baby did NOT contract GBS disease, thank God. Probably wouldn't have anyway statistically speaking, but I'm still glad I did something. I'm also glad to have been introduced to all these useful supplements. I will remember their usefulness even if I don't become a full-time pill-popper!

Baby Leif's New Toy

So we got this Fisher Price Rock 'n' Play Sleeper and we love it! Leif loves to sit in it while he's awake and kick kick kick! I like having a place to put him while I cook, because I really shouldn't do that with him in the sling! He also sleeps really well in it too, so I use it for him while I'm snuggling with big brother at nap time. Great buy for under 40 bucks.

Peer's Birth Story Got Published!

Birth Stories on Demand. Check it out!

Hypnosis or Drama?

So while I was pregnant I started reading Mongan's HypnoBirthing book because I know a lot of natural birthing-moms really like that method. I couldn't explain the whole method well, but let's just say that moms who use this method use visualization and concentration to relax their bodies to the point of apparently not feeling pain at all. In fact, the book emphasizes the importance of ridding the mind of preconceived ideas about childbirth-- namely, that it's painful--in order to free the mind and body for birth. In other words, if you don't think it will be painful, it won't be. And granted, the method seems to work. A lot of women claim to have had pain-free births.

Well, God bless 'em.

Even though I had a good attitude and a very positive curiosity about this method, once I began reading the book, I kind of started to reject the idea. I just can't seem to fully swallow the idea that if something feels painful to me, that I shouldn't call it for what it is. I guess it seems unfair to me that I should feel something painful and not be able to say, "I feel pain right now." Now, I totally get the Grantly Dick-Reed philosophy of the inter-relationship between fear-pain-tension. (we fear pain, which makes our bodies tense, which increases pain) But just because I recognize something as painful does not necessitate that I fear it, don't accept it, or don't willfully prevent my body from tensing up as a result. This is why we do relaxation exercises, right? Because the natural tendency is to tense up when we feel pain and when we are afraid. And in childbirth education we train our bodies to relax under those circumstances. We practice mantras such as Hurt Not Harm, or Open The Door Let The Pain In. In fact, this is what Hypnosis does too, only the word pain is not used.

As I self-reflect on this experience I've started to realize that maybe my insistence to hold on to my right to pain is associated more with my sense of drama. Ever since my first birth, I fantasize about the dramatic nature of it. A woman's labor and delivery is really a beautiful story arc, complete with a rising action, a climax, and a denoument. The pageant, if you will, of childbirth is so beautiful. This is one reason I did not want to anesthetize myself through it. You miss all that drama if you take the pain away.

Perhaps the same could be said of hypnosis. The women who use this method describe a peaceful, pain-free birth. It all sounds great... for them. I think maybe I just love the drama. Now don't get me wrong-- I don't want real drama, like with ambulances or plunging heart rates or medical intervention. No thank you. But the natural drama of a healthy, normal, natural birth is just thrilling. I'll take the pain with the adventure. It's worth it.

So what do you all think? Is a pain-free birth possible? Is it even desirable?

You Were Wrong, Doc

It seems now that I'm processing this second birth experience, I can't help but compare it to my first. I suppose they are inseparable. Now I had a very good birth the first time around, but it was an uphill battle to accomplish a natural birth at a hospital, especially DRMC, and with the very unsupportive doctors I had. Even though Peer's birth was natural, there were still many unnatural things that were done to me and the baby that I wanted to make sure didn't happen again. Like the routine pitocin I was given after the baby was out. I was not asked or warned at all about this and only found out as I was receiving the shot in my arm. Or like the premature cord clamping and cutting, and the subsequent yank the doctor gave the umbilical cord to get the placenta out. Or, in general, the separation that we experienced just to have the baby bathed. Now that I've experienced another way, I'll never go back. (if I can help it)

But mostly what I want to talk about today is the overall unsupportive attitude I had to combat with the doctor throughout my whole experience, and it was culminated in a final comment he made immediately after the birth and then again at my six-week postpartum check-up. He said that I was very small inside and that if Peer had been any bigger, I wouldn't have been able to deliver vaginally. Peer was 6 lbs 2oz. At my check-up he told me if I ever have a baby any bigger, that I should have a c-section. I was just too small.

I always thought this opinion was hogwash. And guess what, Doctor Bender? I did it. Despite you. I had a bigger baby (a whole pound and three ounces bigger), again without drugs, no episiotomy this time, and considerably less tearing. You cut me badly last time because you thought I couldn't do it. I needed 30 stitches. I took 10 weeks to heal. This time my birth attendant believed in me and let me do it on my own. As a result I had minimal tearing that needed only 3 stitches. You were wrong.

Here's another thing that I now know I was right about. The whole issue of the perineum. As I mentioned, last time I had a really bad cut/tear because the doctor insisted that I "needed" an espisiotomy and then when I resumed pushing, the tissue tore like crazy from the already-started laceration. With both my births, I seem to have gotten really powerful and determined at the end (what woman isn't?), paying no mind to my perineum. So some tearing is probably inevitable for me. Ever since Peer was born, I always knew that I had been somewhat robbed of that culminating sensation of childbirth-- the ring of fire. This is the feeling of the soft, thin tissue between the vagina and the rectum stretching (or tearing) as the baby's head crowns and is born. Why, you may ask, would anybody actually want that sensation? Shouldn't I be grateful to have been spared? True, it was frickin' painful. It burned like crazy. But one also must observe how considerably less damaging this series of events were than during my first birth. Last time, my birth attendant intervened and injured me badly. This time there was no intervention, and my perineum remained mostly intact. I am far less injured this time around. And what "injury" I do have from this second birth was my natural fate-- not the result of the poor judgment of a pompous, faithless doctor wielding tiny scissors.

Also, in terms of my own experience, feeling the ring of fire was extremely encouraging in the moment of birth. It was obvious what this feeling was, and I knew that I would be completing my hard work and meeting my baby very soon. On a personal level, the more intense the sensation, the more meaningful the memory. In other words, it was an amazing feeling. I'm so glad I got to feel my baby coming out. Fire and all. I'll never forget it--in fact, I will cherish that moment in my memory forever.

Dr. Bender, you laughed at me when I said I wanted a natural birth and told me I'd be screaming my head off in labor. Well I did it once in your presence and did it again without you. Your words have been lingering in my memory for three years. You don't know what you do to women when you say these things. You should believe in us. We have more power than you think.

Our Homebirth of Leif William Wahlquist - November 7, 2010

Here are the highlights of our birth story. This is pretty much the same version I posted on facebook a while back, but I wanted to blog it too. (Not sure if there's anyone out there who reads my blog but not my facebook activity, but that's okay.) It was actually a rather "boring" birth. There isn't much to tell. I suppose that is the best kind of birth. I prefer to think of it as The Perfect Birth.

11/6/2010
Saturday I woke up feeling crampy. I experienced mildly painful Braxton-Hicks all day. This was somewhat normal for me. I went to yoga and thought that if today was the day, yoga class would be a great way to start it off. Afterward I went to the Downey Farmer's Market and a stranger rubbed my belly for the first time. After lunch, I put Peer down for his nap, which always starts and ends with nursing. This caused a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions. Afterward, I really wanted to get out of the house. Andy suggested going to Seal Beach for dinner and a walk on the pier. After getting ready, I came down the stairs and announced these contractions were “starting to bother me.” We actually timed them in the car. They were irregular in span, duration, and intensity. Not rhythmic, regular, or increasing-- they way you'd expect real labor to be. The walk along the pier was nice, I contracted a lot and got very tight, but it still didn’t feel like labor. The contractions weren’t going anywhere—although I noticed they weren’t stopping, either.

By the evening, I had decided that this wasn’t it. I had just had a bad day. I knew I wasn't dehydrated, but I was probably exhausted. We put Peer to bed and I got really sleepy, even though I was still experiencing contractions. I napped for about an hour or an hour and a half while Andy finished putting Peer to sleep. I woke up and felt great, but the contractions returned before long. We watched some Hulu, then I went to bed. Andy hung out next to me, reading or something. Tomorrow would be the end of Daylight Savings Time.

11/7/2010 - 12:45 am
I was almost fully asleep when I awoke to the sensation of my water breaking. I was so surprised. After all I had convinced myself this wasn’t the night, now it was. As I sat on the toilet, I made sure the amniotic fluid was clean and odorless. It was. I got really nervous, and I asked Andy to pray for me. I was still sitting on the toilet. I thought that was funny.


Andy began to prepare our bedroom for the birth. The first thing this meant was cleaning up and folding laundry. Labor hadn’t really begun yet, and I began to feel very anxious. I knew this was going to be tonight, and this was going to be really hard. “I can’t believe I have to do this again,” I cried in anxiety. I had a lot of self-doubt and fear at the thought of doing this very, very hard thing again. I was very anxious. I told myself I needed to enjoy this time, because it’s the easiest it will be all night. But I was afraid.

Our roommate Ben came home (our other roomie David was out of town) and we could hear him downstairs in the kitchen, adjacent to where our birth supplies were. Andy wanted to go down and get them, so I made him promise not to say anything to Ben and try to be discreet. Nothing was really happening yet, and I didn't want to feel watched. Ben totally didn't notice. I think he even snuck out of the house for work the next morning after the birth without noticing.

I think contractions officially started around 1:30am, and sometime before then, I did the HiboCleanse Rinse, since I had tested positive for Group Beta Strep, but didn't want antibiotics.

Our midwife Sue had told us that she would come when I couldn’t walk or talk through the contractions anymore, so Andy was watching for that. I was glad that it would be a little while. I wanted this private time to labor with just Andy and I also did not want to be checked for dilation yet. For my last birth I wasn’t checked until I was complete, which was perfect. I didn’t want the discouragement of not being as far dilated as I felt. Anytime I grew curious about dilation, I tried to tell myself that dilation didn’t matter, that length of labor didn’t matter. This baby will come out when it’s ready and God would give me the strength to do it, when the time was right. Reflecting on these truths helped me through the great fear I felt.

Now that the contractions had started, I went to work. I first laid down for a little while, then I started following Andy around like a puppy dog. The contractions were strong and mostly felt like intense pelvic pressure. I labored entirely in our bedroom. Often I would lean my head and arms against our tall chest of drawers and sway my pelvis to relax. Sometimes I would get on my knees and lean on the yoga ball and moan. I moaned a lot, and employed the toning practice from yoga. The only sound that worked for me was “HAAAAAAAA.” All these things really helped me relax through the intense pressure and pain of each contraction. I remembered how after my first birth, I was so amazed at the incredible way my body worked to get the baby out. But now that I was in the moment again, the reality of the overwhelming sensation was coming back to me as well. This was really, really hard! I remember crying out “God help me!” and thinking that I was way too early in the labor to be acting so desperate. At some point I thought, “I understand why women get epidurals!” 

I needed a distraction, so I watched Waiting for Guffman. Andy pointed out how rapidly my labor had picked up during the movie. By the end of the movie, the tub was ready and I put my bathing suit on and got in. The water felt sooooo good. It didn't take my pain away, but it definitely helped me cope with each contraction. Peer woke up once and Andy went in to comfort him. I got out of the tub to pee and my labor really picked up. I had several strong contractions that made me very emotional. When Andy came back I told him that I didn't want to go through another contraction alone. We should probably call for help. After we called the midwife, I think he called my parents. I remember thinking that for every phone call, Andy sounded so business-like and calm.

In the tub, I pretty much stayed in one position-- on my knees, with them spread in a V, with my upper body resting on the side of the tub, or on the yoga ball next to the tub. Before anyone even arrived, I started to grow "push-curious." I suddenly wondered if applying gentle pressure would give me some relief. So I tried bearing down gently on each contraction. It felt so good. I pushed on every contraction since then. Our midwife Sue arrived with another midwife. They came in quietly and whispered whenever they spoke. I told her I was pushing gently and she nodded in approval. (I'm still amazed and so pleased at how I somehow knew exactly how and when to push-- no one ever gave me permission or told me how to do it. So different from a hospital birth.) My mom arrived and asked how I was doing. I told her this was really hard! She helped me through a contraction and then went to talk to Andy. They were talking through a contraction and I snapped at them to be quiet!

At some point, Peer got up and came to give me a kiss. At another point, he gave me a cold wet washcloth (that was his designated job) and then went downstairs. I had wanted him to witness the birth, but in the moment his joyful energy was disrupting the quiet peacefulness I needed. So he played with his grandparents downstairs.

I kept pushing on every contraction, pushing harder and harder all the time. Maybe I pushed too hard, but it felt good. I noticed a drop of blood drip down from me and sink to the bottom of the tub. Suddenly I felt a pop! I still don't know what that was. They checked the baby's heart rate with the doppler a couple times. It was perfect. I was pushing harder and harder and the excitement in the room was growing. It was almost time. Leif's destiny was at hand-- the moment of his birth was immanent. Our baby was coming straight down, pulled by gravity, pushed by my body, and guided gently by God. I pushed hard and started to feel the ring of fire. That was an incredible sensation. It really hurt. The contraction ended and the baby retreated a little. I pushed again (by now my contractions came one on top of another without any breaks in between) and felt the ring of fire again, this time more intense, and longer. I roared like a lion out of pain and power. Sue asked if I wanted to reach down and touch the baby's head. "No!" I shouted. But Andy did. He touched his little nose. Another contraction came and I pushed again, feeling the ring of fire one last time, and then feeling the baby slip out of me and the most incredible release imaginable.

I think Sue just nudged the baby in my direction because suddenly I saw my baby swimming in the water beneath me. Someone said to reach down and pick up my baby so I did. I was in such shock! I started screaming and crying and clutching the baby to my chest. I looked down and saw that it was a boy. The baby was just looking around, wide-eyed, without crying. I wondered if he was breathing. Sue said to give him a minute and then sure enough, he let out one big cry. Everybody cheered!

After a few more minutes, the placenta was born naturally. Sue showed it to us, explained its parts. It was gross, but really cool. The cord stopped pulsing and Sue helped Andy cut it while I was holding the baby. (I'm again so pleased about how all this went. In the hospital last time, I was given routine pitocin to prevent hemorrhaging, and the doc cut the cord early and yanked on it to get the placenta out)

I held that baby in my arms and didn't let him go for probably a couple hours until they weighed him. Actually, Andy held him for a minute while I was helped out of the tub and into bed. Then I got him back and we spent the time staring into each other's eyes, nursing, and getting to know each other for the first time. I had wanted Andy to catch this baby, but in the moment, I couldn't let go of his hands. Andy said later he was glad to have been able to watch me. And I was glad for the protector and provider that he was for me. I certainly got a good one when I married him.

I was nervous about this birth because I knew it would be a very different experience from last time, even though I had given birth naturally before. I knew this time would be even more natural, and that no one would be telling me what to do or how to do this. I feared I wouldn't be able to "listen to my body." But somehow I did. I just did what felt good and that seemed to work. I'm so glad that God guided me to Sue Wolcott, my midwife and friend, who cared for me and watched over me during this pregnancy to make sure that me and the baby were healthy. But she never interfered with the natural process that was obviously working so well. The same is true for the birth. And after the birth, she cared for me in an equally loving and considerate manner. I was so lucky to have her, and all the rest of the support I had in my husband and my friends and family.

So that is the story of our home birth. A birth without a single vaginal exam, without beeping machines, without rushing anywhere, without metal instruments, without even an ultrasound. I always say that God wants to reveal something about himself to us through our birth experiences. With my first, it was that He is Mighty. To this day, Peer's personality still reflects this. For this birth, it was that He is Peace. This was about the most peaceful birth experience imaginable. It was just what I wanted. Leif is still a very peaceful baby, and we praise the God of Peace for bringing him into our lives.

Dawn breaks on Leif's first day. "His mercies are new every morning!"

Look at Me! I'm a double-Blogger!

I wrote my first blog post recently for Downey Arts Coalition about a really exciting opportunity to see some incredible theatre here in town. Check it out.

...

Due Window Open

I'm nearing the end of this pregnancy and I'm at that point where it could be tomorrow, it could be a month. Chances are, it will be somewhere between the two. I keep trying to gauge my body and remember the feelings and sensations I had at the end of my last pregnancy, but I find it hard to remember. This pregnancy is different and I should probably just rest in the uncertainty of it all. Overall feeling very good. The chiropractic treatment I've been getting has helped my back/rib pain and the suggestions my midwife gave me to deal with heartburn has also helped. The worst discomfort I feel is while breastfeeding my 3-year-old. We've put some limitations on it, but I'm not quite ready to throw in the towel yet. I'd like to try tandem nursing and see if it works for us.

Still trying to walk every day, although doing my normal route is getting harder. It's really exhausting me. I find I'm taking the "short way" more often. Although I still tend to walk for at least half an hour or more. I bought another package at the yoga studio, which should take me through to the birth, and hopefully I'll be motivated financially to get back there afterward as well.

Still don't know the gender. I'm definitely taking guesses. =)

Peer is getting excited about meeting his little brother or sister. So are we. I've been trying to work through my fears about childbirth and being a mom of two. I'm feeling overall very confident and positive about it, though.

Andy started a new job that is back in the legitimate film industry and pays better too. Post production. A good job, but a small company, which always means some instability. We try to remember that God is our Provider. He likes it a lot so far, but hates the commute out to Santa Monica every day. So do I, since he leaves earlier and doesn't seem to get home until about 8pm. I have to do dinner by myself with Peer. This is hard right now, but I'm hoping that once the new baby is here, I'll at least have more energy, even though my hands will be more full.

We had a wonderful baby shower a couple weeks ago that my mom and sister hosted and we got a lot of cool stuff, including gift cards and cash which we have already completely blown on other stuff we didn't receive as gifts. I think the only money I've spent has been on the Maya Wrap ring sling I desperately wanted and a few more cloth diapering supplies that I wanted new for the new baby. I had originally intended to sell our old diapers and use the money for new ones, but I haven't gotten them all repaired yet. I may still try to sell some, but not right away. We have plenty in small and newborn sizes that I didn't want to sell, so I feel fairly prepared for this new one. I also won a $50 gift certificate at my favorite natural parenting boutique, Belly Sprout, so I excited blew the whole thing and more on new cloth diapering supplies. By the way, my grandma is the one repairing all these old diapers for me. She won't even let me help her. She is amazing.

I guess that is all to report for now!

New Appreciation for Old Shakespeare

So lately I've really been into learning about the War of the Roses. It's something I've always been interested in, but never took the time to really study. I read Richard III years ago and really, really loved it. I'm reading it again and I can't believe I even enjoyed it with the lack of knowledge I had about the history. It is so much richer to me now. I even directed a student of mine in a monologue from the play. Now I feel I did her a great disservice by not participating with her in a guided research study of the history.

Anyway, this all started because I've started reading my favorite novelist again, Phillippa Gregory. She has a new series of novels out based on this history and I am just gobbling them up, just as I did with her Tudor series. So far I've read both books in the series, The White Queen and The Red Queen. The former is based on Elizabeth Woodville, the famous York queen married to King Edward IV and the latter is told from the perspective of Margaret Beaufort, mother to Henry VII (the guy who ended it all and started the Tudor dynasty).

So now I'm reading Shakespeare's Richard III again with new eyes. It's really quite amazing. Here's my latest thought(s). I got to thinking, okay, Richard was this, like, normal ambitious dude with a claim to the throne that he pursued with the same vehemence that all ambitious dudes did before and after him. So how did he become such a notorious villain in history? Why Shakespeare, of course. And why would Shakespeare paint him in such a light? Because Will was the constant politician. He very often wrote to appeal to his monarch. Making Richard a villain justified the battlefield killing of the king by Elizabeth I's grandfather, which not only justified the whole Tudor reign, but sanctified it. Shakespeare could have wrote a melodrama with Richard as the mustache-twisting bad guy (nevermind that art form wasn't around yet), but that's just not his style. He creates one of the most notorious villains in all of western literature.

Well done, my friend. Well done.

The Family Bed

Okay, I need feedback from other families out there that have done the family bed with two kids (or more). Peer has his own room and his own bed, but he doesn't stay in it full time yet. And soon this new baby will be here. We were going to buy a Humanity Bed for the new baby, but decided to try an Arms Reach Co-sleeper instead at first, since we could borrow it. Andy opened it up yesterday and it's a little different than I expected. The surface that baby sleeps on does not come up to the top edge of the co-sleeper, so I question whether or not baby can see me and sense my presence at night. So I think the baby could still very easily end up right next to me in bed. The product itself is still way better than any bassinet or cradle, so we are planning to use it. But I know from experience that sometimes baby does not want to use the thing that mom & dad thought would be fine. I want to be more prepared this time than I was last time!

Peer, on the other hand could possibly sleep on Andy's other side (he's used to sleeping between us), but we might need to put up the bedrail, as he sometimes falls out of bed. Silly boy. (don't worry, we keep the beds quite low and we often use pillows, even though our floors are carpeted). Another suggestion I was given was to try a mattress on the floor for Peer. A good idea, but knowing Peer, he probably will not go for that. He likes to snuggle.

The last time we had an infant in the house, we were not bedsharing (Peer didn't join us in bed until he was about six months old, although he was always in our room), and this time we are pretty much planning on it. So I really don't know how to do this whole bedsharing thing with an infant. I've known a few families that put their infant in between mom & dad, but that was always with their first kid. I'm not very comfortable with that idea, especially since we have an older child.

I want to be able to keep both of my children safe physically, both of them secure psychologically/emotionally, and if possible, allow myself to get a little sleep too. So does anyone who reads my blog have any experience with this? Speak up! I could use all the ideas shot my way that I can get!

Milestone!

So yesterday I had my thesis proposal defense meeting. This is really the beginning of the thesis-writing process. I submit a thorough proposal and then I have to meet with a committee of professors (that I chose) and together we all decide if it is solid enough for me to continue. I was really nervous about it, but it all turned out really well. They approved my topic with flying colors and offered me some very valuable insight on how to organize my ideas and write it.

This is actually a huge milestone for me. Even though I still need to write the thing, I didn't plan to do it before the birth of this child. I really, really, really wanted to just get it proposed and defended. But for a while there during the summer when I felt I was slacking off, I began to doubt myself. I thought I wasn't working hard enough and it would never be finished on time. My "practice proposal" that I wrote for the first class I took in grad school was nearly 20 pages and very in-depth. This one ended up being only 7. I guess I can chalk it all up to learning better how to work smart, not just hard. I was actually very surprised that my adviser approved the first draft of my proposal that I sent to her. The only glitch in the process has been that my third committee member, a prof I chose from the English department, didn't show up and has been quite unresponsive. So we are going to try to proceed with a two-person committee. I don't see how this will be a problem, unless the grad office just doesn't like change!

My new title is: "Birthing Conflict: Childbirth and the Battle of the Sexes in Elizabethan and Jacobean Drama" (it used to be Early Modern English Drama, but this title's more specific and accurate)

So now I'm going to put it on hold probably so I can focus on getting ready for birth and baby. But I'm actually now really excited to write it. The meeting yesterday was actually a lot of fun, and it felt great to be back in the academic world again. I'm glad this chapter of my life isn't completely over!

bugs and little boys

So today we found this somewhat beautiful grasshopper or something on our door. I called Peer over to see it before swishing it away so I could unlock. As soon as it got to the ground, Peer immediately stepped on it and squished it.

I was somewhat alarmed.

Me: Oh no! Peer, you killed it!
Peer: (to the dead carcass with the entrails dangling) oh, I'm sorry little bug!
Me: It's dead now, Peer.
Peer: but now it can come back to normal!

It was his first real experience with the consequences of his roughness. He was kind of sad about that beautiful little bug. And I was sad about it too. =(

3rd Trimester

Is it odd that I kind of want to carry this baby at least until my due date? Peer was born at 37 weeks, and I figure that won't happen again. After all, lightning doesn't strike twice. But I find myself thinking, gosh, if I make it to somewhere around mid-November, then that would give us more time to prepare for baby, push us into the holidays practically with family leave and all that, and it will be cooler. I'm probably totally jinxing myself by saying all this. I'll be at 42 weeks and still no baby, and trying everything. I just keep praying for the strength to carry this baby until my body can do it no longer. I've had a pretty great pregnancy, although it has definitely been more intense than my last one. My midwife says that is because of hormones. And I know that I'm a pretty hormonal person! But I also know that the same hormones that give me nausea and heartburn now will also give me a smooth birth and a bountiful milk supply. I am very thankful that my body works so well!

Our Vacation 2010

SATURDAY: The Road Trip Begins

This year we took our fourth trip to Ashland, OR to visit the Oregon Shakespeare Festival. I never thought I would be the type of person that vacationed in the same spot year after year. But we really love it there, and every year there is new theatre to see of course. And this is some of the best theatre in the country. Especially for a classics lover like myself. It's been exciting following the festival in a new direction under the leadership of their new Artistic Director, Bill Rauch. His perspective on classics and his vision for the future is astounding, and he has been doing some really exciting work at OSF. This year, since we couldn't afford to fly, we road-tripped it up the entire way. This is something I've been dreading, since I hate road trips, and since we now have a toddler. (Preschooler?)

Part of our plan included a very detailed listing of local parks to stop at along the way. This was to give Peer a chance to play, and give us a small break as well. Plus, being 7 1/2 months pregnant and with a tendency to motion sickness and pregnancy nausea, I didn't expect to do so well either. We packed some sandwiches to make our lunch quick on that first day.

Our first park was a big hit. The others were not as good as this one. And actually, we made very good time the first day, traveling much farther north than Sacramento, which was our original goal. We made it to Red Bluff by dinnertime and while Peer and I waited for our table and waiter, Andy took his laptop to a nearby Starbucks to mooch off their free wifi and book us a hotel on priceline. Andy is a wiz with priceline. We really debated about whether or not to book a hotel room ahead of time in Sacramento. We eventually decided not to, in order to give us the freedom to keep driving if we felt like it. We did, and also ended up with a fabulous hotel room in Redding, at which we arrived just in time to put PJ to bed a tad late.

SUNDAY: Redding, CA to Ashland, OR


Attempting to snatch a quick shot in front of our awesome hotel in Redding. Andy booked it the night before on priceline less than an hour before we arrived. Ended up being a gorgeous Hilton with a king-size bed that we got for dirt cheap. Excellent work, hon!

Peer is afraid of public restrooms. Especially if they have a hand dryer, automatically flushing toilet, or if you attempt to take him into a handicap stall.

We couldn't resist the beauty of Mt. Shasta!

Hmmmm. Smells like summer church camp or the show I did in the mountains once.

being this happy on a road trip is beyond me...

Yay! We finally made it to Ashland! First stop: Grilla Bites for a healthy, organic lunch. I had a delicious veggie burger on a focaccia bun. There are vegetarian options at EVERY restaurant in Ashland. Ahhhhhhh. Ironically, this is also the one place I could probably find grass-fed meat as well. But after being veggie for well over a year now, I pretty much prefer it.

Peer liked the cottage! He made himself at home right away with his trains.

I'm just realizing that I didn't finish telling you all about the rest of our first day in Ashland. After a yummy lunch at Grilla Bites, and before I even saw the cottage, I rushed off to the theatre to see Throne of Blood, a new play adapted from the Kurosawa film based on Macbeth. I never looked at the ticket that I rushed hastily right before lunch, and hurried off to the theatre to make what I thought was a 2pm curtain. Well, I was perplexed to arrive to an empty courtyard and a locked theatre door. Confused, I glanced at the marquee and realized that the show started at 1:30! I swear, in all my years as a theatregoer, I have NEVER done that before. The ushers and house manager were wonderful, seating me at the back (instead of the front-and-center seat I had bought. sniff) and I still thoroughly enjoyed the show. If you like Shakespeare's play and/or like Japanese film or Japanese noh theatre, I highly recommend this beautiful adaptation, directed by the adapter himself. Lovely piece of work.

That night Andy saw Merchant of Venice and later convinced me to see it too. A great way to start off a week of great theatre!

MONDAY: Day off from theatre to do other stuff
(there are no plays on Monday. We wouldn't take a day off from theatre on purpose!)


It actually was a rainy day today, so perfect for making a trip to the Children's Museum in nearby Medford.

Peer looooooved the grocery store play area. He had fun checking things out with Daddy. Oh, and I'd also like to add that Mommy loved how they had all the organic and healthy stuff that I usually buy. So not only did Peer recognize it, but I felt like my choices were reinforced! (this is a reoccurring feeling while in southern OR)

The truck area was the last. We were all sad to go. =( Peer would have stayed all day!